I Feel so SAD, MAD and TORN!

When you are diagnosed with cancer many have a support network they can fall back on and embrace, especially family.  I do NOT have that luxury.  Long story there, involves a few generations of estrangement and a nasty family situation.  Not my doing.  I would think that my brother, his wife, my cousin and aunts and uncle would be appreciative of who is still remaining in their lives and embrace them but instead they have chosen to be rude, crude, evil, nasty, and have gone the way of alienation.  My sister in-law could not say a nice word to me if it were scripted and she were paid to act!  She is that evil.  Nasty evil bitch she is, controlling and abusive.  I will tell the story in the next few days.  My blood (males mind ya) married individuals that are ABUSIVE and TOXIC!!!! They lack intelligence, understanding, compassion, nurturing, caring, and love.  It began with my father, then my brother, then my oldest son and then my niece, my brother's daughter.  It hurts and I wish I had my family to support me but instead I only have a small circle of what I consider my true family......friends and sisters, not blood but more than blood. 

I have NOT told any of them my situation and don't plan to.  Did I tell you what our oldest son told me in a phone conversation about 5 yrs ago?  Oh it was awful, scary too.  I was recovering from my heart attack and he asked specific questions related to our personal medical information.  Then he told me that when it was time he was going to put me and my husband, his step-father, into a nursing home.  Then he was going to obtain power of attorney and become executor of our estate and he could because he was the oldest.  Oh, and if we ever dared give our nephew (yes, something good became of my brother and hateful SIL) as far as inheritance he was going to piss on our graves.  Now what kind of person, let alone child says that to their parents?  That was hateful and disrespectful.  The timing when he said it was just weeks after his uncles, my ex and his brothers placed his grandparents into assertive living.  None of the four sons wanted to take care of them.  It was cold and cruel, the 2nd oldest son inherited the house they lived in, he told them to move in and then when his dad got sick they kicked them out.  So sad, hope they are done like they did their parents!  Cause it greatly influenced my older son.

I am tired of the hate.  I am tired of crying my eyes out at times over this.  Its so sad.   And shame on my cousin Boppie and her rude, crude, shrewd, and crass actions toward me because of my  vindictive SIL who hates me and I still have yet to know why.  Believe it or not, Boppie is a retired RN.  She should be compassionate and caring but is hateful and controlled.  I did nothing to her, said nothing, she is just so hateful.  I could write a book about her and maybe I should.  But Boppie is controlled by an abusive husband so that explains a lot.  I just saw her again last summer after 25 yrs and it was so nice, but then I made the fatal mistake and introduced my bother and SIL to my cousin and lost my cousin cause my SIL hates me.  So juvenile.  So sad.  

I have more to say but I am tired.  I shall write more in the family situation soon.  I am still digesting my cousin's cold and crass treatment of me on facebook.  But then she could not even be there for her daughter after her daughter's boyfriend died.    She is estranged from her son, has been for 15 yrs now, seems the problem is her, not her children, her mother, my aunt (need to tell you about that) or me, but speaks volumes about her.  It still hurts though, wish she could be here for me since she is my only living female relative near my age.  I was looking forward to reconnecting on our old age, I looked up to her as a child, she is 10 yrs older than I.  Wish my bother could be here for me too but he hates me, he also has TBI.  And I need to get some rest.  More coming soon,.  Thank you for reading this.  Hugs and Love.  <3